A new role....

In case you haven't heard through other channels, I'm starting a new part time role in September as Tutor in Theology and Youth Ministry at St Mellitus College in London.  I've been part of the teaching team for the Youth Ministry degree for 3 years and I've loved it! I've spent time in the college too as a 'ordinand's spouse' while Andy was training and so I have a love and a loyalty to St Mellitus and what they are about and it is wonderful to be part of the staff team come September!

The decision to move from my Youth Adviser role happened in April - I knew it was the right time to go, giving a long notice period and was content to have a summer off and wait and see what happened with self employed opportunities come September, all within a more slimmed down work life.

And then, in late May, this vacancy popped up! An email from the college, booking me for a few sessions next spring included a link to the vacancy and 2 other people alerted me to it in the same week. I spent much of May half term wrestling with whether this role was for me, if it was indeed the role I had left my Adviser position for or was it was a red herring, a distraction from the new direction God was leading us on? I honestly didn't know, but agreed with Andy, during a long coffee date one morning that to not apply wouldn't allow either me or St Mellitus to discern the way forward under God. So, on the last day for applications, I rather speedily put together my supporting letter and updated my CV and pressed send.

After a thorough process - 3 interviews and quite a lot of questions (from St Mellitus and me!), soul searching and advice from wise and wonderful people, I accepted the position of part time Tutor at the end of July. It has a great sense of peace and a comfort of God's timing. A sense that I did hear the call of God right - to move on, be obedient and be available for the new path which is forming in front of us. A lot of the thinking and wondering about 'can we afford this?', 'what do we need for family life to work?' 'what is the long term picture for my ministry?' 'what is God saying to us?' had been thought through over Easter, prior to my formal resignation so there was a transparency at being interviewed and honestly being OK about whatever outcome, especially if this wasn't to be. But it is to be! And I'm really delighted, excited, daunted. I know I bring a lot of experience, resource, wisdom, ideas as a youth minstry practitioner from the last 15 years but being in an academic environment will be a very new experience. I'm looking forward to being stretched, challenged and learning a lot from those around me as well as the students I'll be responsible for.

I'll be in London for 2 days a week at the College and another day of flexible working, leaving me 2 days a week, weekends and evenings at home (which will be rather wonderful!) The role involves developing the Youth Ministry course and teaching on it, pastorally supporting the students (about 20 in each year of the three year degree) along with other Tutors and providing a link between college and placement. It's my first job EVER where I haven't had to have DBS clearance before starting!

I'll be continuing to lead youth work in the parish with 14-18's as well as being part of a local group for 11-14's. I'm also giving a few hours a week voluntarily to Loss UK supporting young people and families facing loss in any way, helping them to develop their business plan and fundraising strategy.

So, I've enjoyed my month off; a great holiday in France with the family, time with friends and our local church; various jobs at home and fun days out locally. But I'm readying myself for this new path!

"There is a time for departure, even when there is no certain place to go...."

A wiser person than me once said: "There are 2 ways to jump off a cliff:

1. Stand at the edge, look down and tentatively step off.
2. Take a running leap into the abyss"

I've definitely done a bit of the former in the last 18 months or so but the decision back in April to go for the latter has been an exhilarating and daunting experience and one in which we have seen God's immense faithfulness and confirmation as well a good number of bumps and bruises!

In the midst of lots of 'lasts' - various meetings, Forums, visits and such like, I'm preparing for some more significant last events.
Firstly, the two monthly Hub gatherings which happen early in July (and have happened in some format or another, every month for the last 9 years!) where employed and volunteer workers gather for mutual support, prayer, input, encouragement and lots of tea and laughter! These 2 hour sessions once a month have been a safe and essential space and have retained my sanity and renewed my hope on many occasions!
Secondly, my official leaving do in the Bishop's Garden just before the end of term, which I'm looking forward to and dreading in equal measure!

Part of my preparation for all those events as well as for my own processing and moving on has been in taking some time to reflect on those last 9 years - youthworkers who have been and gone, groups I have been involved with starting and supporting, initiatives I've been part of, areas in which I've seen growth. frustrations and challenges and devlopments in my youth work practice and understanding, as well as reflections on what I have learnt and how I see things 'now' as opposed to 'then'.

I was just shy of 28 years old when I began in this role. I'd had two other main roles in my career but had been doing youthwork already, in a paid capacity, for more than 10 years. I'd worked as a Parish Youth and Children's Worker for 3 years after graduating and then, after doing my PGCE, had managed a supported accommodation project for homeless young women. I was married but we had no children, in fact we'd been told it was unlikely we'd be able to. We'd done the 'first house purchase' which is always a significant thing but it had been incredibly stressful, with dodgy builders, a flood and a project which sapped our energy and our finances. We knew that God had called us to move south, Andy got a job quicker than me (in the secondary school in the parish where he is now a curate!) but we didn't really have any idea what was in store for us in this great county. Without kids in tow we could move quickly and spontaneously - those were the days! And the rest, as they say, is history!

So here I am, 9 years later, living 300 miles from those first jobs and very settled in Essex. We have lived in 3 houses in those 9 years, added two children to the gang and learnt a huge amount along the way.

This post is an attempt to make sense of some of those lessons, observations and thoughts. None of it is fully formed, it couldn't be as we're still being formed in so many ways. But for what it's worth, these are some of the key factors or headlines for me which have helped to navigate through these 9 years - and I reckon these are a good guide for longevity in ministry generally. And although some assume you're employed as a youthworker, many of these should be relevant regardless of your role. If you're working with young people, I want to encourage you to stick with it and these are my starting points....

Some keys to stickability:

• Pray, lots: I'm happy to confess, at this point in my career, that I was terrified when I started this job. I really didn't think I could do it! I was suddenly responsible for seeing youth ministry flourish across a massive geographical area, with 186 churches in my patch, countless congregations, clergy, youth leaders and young people all out there somewhere and I hadn't a clue where to start! Since I'd come to faith at the age of 15, I'd been exposed to and tried many different forms of prayers and spiritual discipline and obviously, I knew it was important. But it really came into it's own at the beginning of my time as Youth Adviser! And it's developed ever since. This role exposes you to the breadth and depth of the Anglican church, from silence and taize style chants to praying in tongues, from liturgical daily offices to sung eucharistic glorias, choral and charistmatic, traditional hymns and band led choruses. I've honestly loved it all. Personally, as the children came along, our formality of regular prayer gave way to chaotic attempts to do something which mildly resembled thankfulness, praise, adoration and supplication. I'll leave you imagine what that might look like. We've become members of an Anglican religious order in the last 9 years too (The Order of Mission) and that has given us the focus of a rule of life and a rhythm of prayer, joining with others across the world using the Moravian Daily texts as well as our own Common Worship. This is the foundation and the surrounding walls of your ministry. Much as we might not have a 'stipend' and therefore be paid not to work, we are, as Christians working in full time ministry, paid to pray. It's the very least we can do. "His grace is sufficient for me for His power is made perfect in weakness."

• Get a mentor: someone you commit to meeting regularly, who listens, processes with you and challenges you. Someone a bit further ahead on the journey. Invaluable. Doesn't really matter who it is, just get one. 

• Understand that youthwork is intergenerational: yes, its about 11-18's, of course. But if we ignore those who are 'nearly' there or who are just above that bracket, we're unnecessarily dividing ourselves. The connections, influences and understanding of the generations is crucial to good youth work. 

• Live in the truth that young people are a gift to the church. Obvious, of course but they are a gift from the minute they are born, as are we all. Its dangerous to see youthwork as the holding place where young people are entertained and contained until they are grown up and able to 'cope' with big church! Evidence shows us, they don't stay around that long. If they are a gift, we need to live and function in that way - use them, include them, don't try and keep them wrapped up out of the way....

• A passion for youth ministry is not always instinctive but it is teachable and it is catching. I'm pretty comfortable with saying that I'm instinctively a good youth worker. I have always felt able to relate and connect with young people quickly and develop appropriate relationships, even as I've aged and they have stayed young! And I'm clear that this is my vocation - I've heard God speak on this path for my life in a way I've never heard Him speak about anything else. But I've also had great training, brilliant (and less brilliant!) examples to follow and lots of spaces for experience, mistakes, disasters, funnies, third, fourth and fifth attempts. It's all invaluable and I've noticed that just as I had good people who I watched and copied, so others do the same with me. It's humbling but ultimately, just the way it should be. Instinct +  great equipping = great youth work. 

• Understand that you are constantly being formed (otherwise known as blagging!). Blagging is also an instinctive skill which can be caught and taught! It's not cool to blag too often but it's often very necessary in any youth work or ministry - you never know what might happen next!

• Realise that you will probably have to 'manage up' and get on with doing it well. Often, employed youth workers, particularly in church settings are line managed by non youthwork practitioners. Its not unusual in other sectors too - but it can be tricky. I've learnt through the years that line management is something which both parties need to take full responsibility for. It's obvious really but if you don't communicate how you want to be led or share how someone can get the best out of you, it's going to take a lot of trial and error before you find the right medium. Personality profiling, Myers Briggs, Belbin etc can all help to understand one another better and really see both you and your line manager thrive.

• There is no substitute for sharing life with young people beyond the events. This is about home, family, inviting shared space. We've always run a youth group of some sort in our home ever since we were married. It's something quite intimate really but we've found it invaluable in connecting deeply and showing how we genuinely love and care for them. They see the reality of life, chaotic kids, piles of laundry, stress and how we handle it! and yes, appropriate boundaries are key but those shouldn't prevent or hinder this type of deep ministry. It also has an impact of numbers, of course. 15 or 18 young people in our lounge would be tight! But the quality of relationships with the 3, 5, 10 which are the usual numbers are precious. How can you recycle time, maximise the work with young people in other areas? Could you invite them with you during a supermarket trip and have a coffee afterwards? Could they help you out with a community responsibility? 

• Recognise your role as a significant adult beyond the 11-18 age bracket. This is something I've only recently noticed for us but realise how key it was for me as a new Christian and as an adolescent. As young people who have been in our youth groups grow up, move on, move out, we've kept in touch with many in their next stages of life. Some have headed to Uni, work, travelled, are exploring ministry, have got married. We've been introduced to fiancées, been asked to be godparents, given many references and shared countless cups of tea, coffee and other beverages with young people who were once in braces or dressed as Goths but who now work in the NHS or teach or programme MRI scanners! It's a privilege to move from being a youth worker to being a significant adult to being a friend. If the church as a whole can grasp the power of this, we could be on to something!

• Get a handle on administration. Sounds boring I know, but there is only so long we can continue to rely on the stereotypes that youth workers don't do finance or admin and just float around playing uni-hoc or other random games and occasionally being a bit spiritual! Particularly in the Youth Adviser role, I have had to develop skills around project management, developing and monitoring budgets, setting up processes for various schemes and writing training programmes. At the core of all these things were young people, their leaders and their growth development and nurture. But to make that happen, the back room stuff had to work. Boring I know, but good skills to take into the next thing. 

So, for now, that's my list. I'm sure there are other things you could add from your own experience! Feel free to share, discuss, debate!

An unusual working day...

I've just completed a very unusual working day for me. I have sat in one room, from the moment I started work at 9.15am this morning through til 4pm when I left to pick up Isaac. Within that, I have had a couple of trips to the loo, a walk to the kitchen to fill up the kettle and a wander outside for 10minutes while I ate my sandwich. But other than that, I have worked on one project for the majority of the day and it feels very, very odd.

Tomorrow I'm spending the day with my colleagues Rachel and Andy. We schedule in an Away Day once a term, to give some focus to our tasks and to tackle bigger projects more strategically with more prayer and with more time. Tomorrow is an extra as we're doing some comparative review work on our roles to enable us to make sense of how Youth Advisers work in this Diocese. The new Transforming Presence agenda of strategic priorities for our Diocese has initiated this work as well as some succession planning, but that's not really the point of this post. 

I knew that putting my work - projects, networks, responsibilities, youth workers, churches, programmes, relationships - into an easily usuable format was bound to be a tricky task. But it has taken me a lot longer and been more arduous than I expected. But I have enjoyed it...

My usual day is most likely to contain 3 or 4 different events; meetings, 1:1 sessions, desk time, car journeys, phone conversations, visits to parishes or projects, research, email catch up etc. I enjoy the variety and flexibility that my job brings and allows, but I almost always feel that I never have the time to do anything in as full a way as I would like. Carving out today for just one task was such a new experience and in many ways I enjoyed the focus it brought. I didn't have to watch the clock as much and I was able to listen to music and some podcasts to help me think a bit too. 

As an ESFJ working in isolation is not my preference. But I have learnt that there is something very necessary in deliberately 

working in your shadow self. Andy was encouraged to do it when he was going through the discernment journey 

before ordination selection. He's an ENTP. As Extroverts, spending time alone is not our preference - which doesn't mean that 

it doesn't do us good or get the best out of us. It's just a little harder but in small doses, very enjoyable and productive. 

So, what is God saying through today? I know that I need to invest more time in reading, reflecting and 

researching, making space to do my work as well as possible within the boundaries of family, church, marriage 

etc.  I also need to acknowledge that my workload at present is unsustainable - God spoke very powerfully to me, 

just as I was sitting listening to some worship music, about how much I worry and that I don't need to. 

Simple eh? 

It's good to be home, with a clear evening ahead. Andy is at a stag do and I shall have some time out from 

structured work and get an early night too. 

getting back to normal...

So, I'm a week away from returning to work full time...21st June is D-Day and I've spent today in the company of some of the lovely full time youth-workers I'm fortunate enough to work with as well as doing some diary management with Bishop John's PA.
It's good to have these KIT (Keeping In Touch) days in the maternity leave policy cos it's certainly got my juices flowing a bit and made me feel quite a bit more excited about jumping back in again!
We'll be getting used to the new 'normal' over the next few weeks - gradually getting Isaac into childcare and settled with Mel, our child-minder. I'm going back full time but mainly working at home initially so that I can take time to process all that has gone on over the last 9 months. I know I have an inbox full of meeting minutes and bits and pieces to read and I also need to catch up with lots of people. I'll need to be putting in place of working smarter as well as harder - maximising my 37 hours a week, doing as much as possible Monday-Wednesday and also being strategic with what I say yes and no to.

I've also been getting my creative juices flowing with some writing projects - most notably having an article published on the Sophia Network Blog about my journey with post natal anxiety. I haven't referenced it much here; apart from a post back in January when I was in a particularly struggling place, it hasn't felt appropriate to chart it on regular occasions. But writing the article as a summary of where I've been and where I've got to was very helpful and I have been overwhelmed by the supportive comments and emails I've received since it was published.








I always knew that once we had celebrated the Thanksgiving for Isaac on 3rd June, it would feel like a countdown to 'back to work'. We had a brilliant weekend with family and friends who had travelled mammoth distances in some cases to be with us. It felt like a real culmination of 10 years of marriage, together with our 2 children and our special people all together in one room. The rain was a bummer but you can't have everything!
Andy is away this week in Sheffield for a Missional Communities conference at St Thomas' Sheffield (http://pilgrimageuk.org/info/) and Matilda, Isaac and I are heading up there on Friday to join him and probably hundreds of others for The Order of Mission Global Gathering. Very excited about being with our covenant family and connecting in with all that God is doing and hearing from and meeting new people.

So, the new normal looks to be pretty exciting - hard work, busy but good and full of God!